My Family In Burundi & Getting Back In Touch

I am going to give a bit more information and background about my family so that the readers can have a better understanding of my situation and get to know my family members better. Here is the list of siblings from oldest to youngest:

Venantie: My oldest sister, she is very sweet, and helped raise the rest of us and when she was younger. She used to have to stay home from school so that she could help my mom out. She carried all of us on her back, which is probably why she is so short (about 5 feet). I get along with her very well and she has written me many letters to describe my childhood when I was going through my identity crisis phase.

Oscar: My oldest brother, he is married and has two children. He is a French teacher at a primary school in Gitega. He is the one who has kept the most regular contact with me either through letters or emails. I have a shaky love/hate relationship with him. He is the one who met my adopted parents and made it possible for me to be adopted, so I will always be grateful for that. He has a way of making me feel very guilty about living in America and being provided with so many opportunities that my other brothers and sisters can't even dream up. He thinks that because I live in America, I must be very rich, and so he is always asking me for money. The concept of relative wealth is very hard to understand for him because he doesn't know the cost of living in America, and so he thinks that I am holding out on him. He makes the equivalent of $40 a month, and so when I send him $200 every once in a while, he thinks that I am rich, whereas $200 is nothing in America.

Nortbert: As a child, I used to adore Norbert. He would bring me back chalk from school and teach me how to draw. He is very smart and hardworking. He just finished university and is looking for a job. We have been able to keep in touch and he the one who answers all my questions. I feel most comfortable asking questions that the others try to avoid. He is very protective of me and we used to get along very well.

Jeannine: She is the tallest sister, she has written me a couple of letters since I have been adopted, but they mainly include requests instead of asking how I am doing. When I was younger, she used to take care of me a lot, and carry me on her back when I got tired. When we were running away during the genocide, she carried me a lot because I was weak and got sick from hiding in an unfinished house while it was raining. She has saved my life in more ways than one.

Claude: The youngest brother, I used to also get along with him very well. He is the one who taught me how to walk on my hands and climb trees like an expert. I have not held regular contact with him, and I usually get news about him through Oscar or Venantie. He is more reserved and shy.

Evelyne: She is resentful of the fact that I was able to be adopted and has always been jealous of the fact that I was the youngest. She has never written me any letters, and I get along the least with her. I haven't really developed a relationship with her.



Getting back in touch with the family...

On Friday, June 19th, I finally decided to call my oldest brother, Oscar, and tell him that I was in Rwanda. When he picked up the telephone, I had a surreal feeling. When I told him that it was me speaking, he did not believe me, and he asked me my middle name to make sure that no one was playing a joke on him. He couldn't believe that it was me on the phone and I got really overwhelmed. It was my first time holding a conversation in ten years and I started breathing really fast because so many things were running through my mind. When we hung up, I felt like I was going to choke and was out of breath. I had a little panic attack, but the other volunteers and Mama Arlene were there to calm me down and to share my excitement. I was really overjoyed to hear his voice and to have him talk to me the way an older brother talks to his little sister. He asked me if I was safe, and if I was ok being by myself. It all really touched me. It is as if our roles were finally falling into place and I was the little sister again. He has texted me a couple of times and called me numerously just to say “Hi” and see how I was doing. I also got to talk to his wife, Esperance. She seems nice, but we really didn't have much to talk about other than her daughters.

On Tuesday, June 23rd, I called Venantie to tell her the news of my whereabouts. It was a very emotional experience and she was crying and laughing during the whole conversation. While talking to Venantie, I experienced one of the weirdest feelings I have ever felt. My mind was thinking in Kirundi, but I was speaking French. Words were coming into my mind, and words that I did not even know that I knew in Kirundi, words suppressed and hidden that must have been waiting to come out at the right time. It was a really strange feeling because even though all the words were coming to me in Kirundi, my tongue was refusing to say them and I was translating everything into French. I haven't thought in Kirundi this intensively in so long I forgot what it felt like and it was so comforting to know that it is still there, in the back of my mind. It boosted my confidence in my language ability and it warmed my heart to know that I still have my mother tongue in me.

After talking to Venantie, I called Nortbert to tell him the news as well, and while talking to him, he kept saying “ oya sha.....oya sha....” which loosely translates into “ no way”.

Now that I feel I have made the first step to reconnecting with my family, I am more and more anxious about physically meeting them and it seems as that it is taking forever to reach that point. I am as ready as I will ever be.