Last Minute Packing And Such

I can't sleep, I am too nervous, anxious, excited and I have butterflies in my stomach!!

So I am done packing! I have one big suitcase and a smaller one. One is about 20 lbs, and the other one is 65 lbs. I just really hope they won' charge me extra for the excess weight. The weight limit is 50 lbs.

I am flying Ethiopian Airlines, my flight is at 10:05 AM from Dulles and I land at Addis Ababa at 8:20 and leave arrive in Kigali at 11:55 AM! It is going to be a long ride, and I am actually really excited because one of my best friends, who is also in my Posse is going to be on the same flight! She is going to be working for an NGO in Ethiopia. I think being with her will calm my nerves and distract me from my nervousness.

So today I went shopping for clothes for my two nieces that I have never met. My mother and I went to Baby Gap and we bought two really cute dresses. I got really emotional when we went to the store, and I sort of just wanted to buy all the clothes for my nieces. I kind of got carried away at the idea of meeting them for the first time. One of them is two years old, the other one is only a couple months old. My brother send me pictures of them and they are so adorable! Their names are Cadine and Osty (The picture on the bottom part is of my brother at his wedding).

My father talked to me today to give me a " father-daughter" talk about the shock that I will experience. He reminded me that I will have to act as an adult and be culture sensitive, and follow other people's lead and just embrace the culture. He also talked me to me about my family and how I have to realize that even though my siblings are biological, that is pretty much all we have in common and how I am going to have to take initiative and reach out to them and get to know each and everyone one of them equally.

Talking to my father made me realize that I don't really know what to expect of my siblings once I met them. The only memories I have of them are pictures from ten years ago and I think that I expect them to still be the same, to look the same and act the same. It sounds silly when I write it down, but I really don't know how much they have changed. They probably still only remember me from when I was in fourth grade, and that idea seems absurd to me because clearly I have changed since then, but then again I have had the chance to see myself grow, while I have had no pictures from any of my other siblings other than my oldest brother.

It's funny the way I have been feeling homesick. I have this need to see my house, (the one where I was born) and the village and see what is left of it, and see how much it has changed. I have not been back to Giheta ( my village) since I fled with my siblings during the genocide. The last image I have of my house, it was all trashed, the banana trees had all bee cut off, and the courtyard (Urugo) had been set on fire and there was still smoke. It is a shame that it is the last image I have of my house because I remember the days before the genocide. And my house looked nothing like the one I last saw. My house was always busy. I come from a big family, so there was always something going on. I remember we also had some goats and chickens.

Last time I went to Burundi, I couldn't go to my village because it was too dangerous and my parents did not want to take the risk. But now I am dying to know and see what happened to my house, and see if it is occupied or not. Maybe I will even be able to see my mango tree if I get to go to Giheta!!

My biological mother had given me a little plot of land with a mango tree and had told me that I could grow anything I wanted on it. I grew peanuts because they are the easiest to tend to and roasted peanuts were a favorite of mine (to this day).

I have so many memories coming back to me right now, and it is so comforting.

I should really go to bed now since I have to be at the airport by 8 AM. And I think it is a good place for me to stop because of all the good memories, and I might just dream about my mango tree!

So good night (and I still can't believe that I am really going to be in Rwanda the next time I write...)!

Until next time,

Nadine